When you are going to have a baby it's like planning a vacation trip to Italy. You but a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, The Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plan lands. The stewardess comes in and says: "welcome to Holland!"
"HOLLAND!?!?" you say, "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy, I'm supposed to be in Italy! All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy". But there's been a change in flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible disgusting place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you will learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy then Italy. But after you have been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say: "yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".
And the loss of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
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